1984

WINSTON: Don’t tell the Party, but sex is way better than totalitarianism!
EVERYONE: Surprise! We’re the Party.
WINSTON: Oh, rats.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

C. S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.
THE WITCH: Hi, I’m a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.
C. S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

Paradise Lost

ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary diet restrictions?
DEVIL: They’re really more like guidelines.
GOD: Incorrect.

Moby-Dick

ISHMAEL: I’m existential.
AHAB: Really? Try vengeance.
ISHMAEL: I dig this dynamic. Can we drag it out for 600 pages?

The Great Gatsby

NICK: I love being rich and white.
GATSBY: Me, too, but I’d kill for the love of a woman.
DAISY: We can work with that.

Oliver Twist

OLIVER: Poverty ain’t so bad, what with all the Cockney accents and musical interludes.
ME: Thanks to movies, no books were read in the passing of this class.
PROFESSOR WATERMAN: You’re half right.

By: Ben Johnson. Re-posted from: McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.